~Sometime in March of 2017
It’s a strange and liberating feeling when you buy your first car. The idea that you could literally go anywhere and see anyone and no one can stop you was completely alien to me, but here I was. Sitting in the car that I bought, wondering where I should go.
I’ve dreamt about having the freedom to do anything I wanted for years, and now that I’m here I don’t know what to do. I laughed at the irony of the situation
So instead of going anywhere, I sat in the driver’s seat, parked at the curb in front of my house with my hands resting on the steering wheel and my head against the headrest. I thought back to what started all of this.
The trepidation of starting my first job, the anxiety of getting something wrong, or upsetting a customer. I thought of when my manager told me that I had to pin my bangs back on my first day, or how I tipped a plate over just a bit too much, and a side of mash potatoes slipped right off the plate and into a woman’s lap.
The horror I felt when I dropped an entire tray of dinnerware on the floor due to my own clumsiness or the first panic attack I got after a customer yelled at me for reasons I couldn’t even remember anymore.
I remembered the intense feeling of satisfaction and victory when I got through an entire night without making a major mistake, or how good I felt after my manager stopped me to thank me for working so hard.
I remember that compliment pushing me to work harder, and that it lead me to being promoted before two people who were hired before me, and how amazing that felt.
I thought of the determination I felt to get to work even though I didn’t have a car, and what can only be described as a need to better myself at my job.
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. Now, I got to sit, listen to music, and drive around in the direct result of working so hard. My job cost me a bit of freedom so that I could later buy something that would give it all back, and then some.
The feeling of pure contentment and satisfaction with what I did washed over me.
Gosh, I thought. I want to feel like this all the time.
My name is Sarah Blake. I currently live in Albuquerque, New Mexico with my family and our four very spoiled dogs. I enjoy hiking, camping, skiing (depending on the season) or teaching myself something new.
I’ve always been taught to live the best life that I can, and that the only way to do that was through hard work and dedication to things that I work on. Today, I enjoy using those lessons combined with my own personal experience to bring a new level of passion and drive to everything that I do.
In a lot of ways, the purchase of my first car was a crucial moment in helping me realize that about myself. It’s been about three years now, and that car is long gone, but the feeling of wanting to be content and satisfied with the things I do is still with me.
With this mentality, I’ve written two books, participated in whats essentially a giant science fair at the University of New Mexico (and won a first place award in cardiovascular health), took on the roll of Store Manager at a local coffee shop, and been promoted from Barista to Barista Trainer and soon Shift Lead at Starbucks.
Somehow, in between all of this, I’ve also completely taught myself how to change my perspective on a negative situation. This helped me get through my anxiety and depressive disorders, and I’ve somehow tricked myself into being an optimist. 😀